One year Ago

On this sad anniversary a little bit of tradition. After the death of our father Allison told me about the Jewish tradition of the Yahrzeit Candle.

Simply; it is a candle that is lit on the anniversary of a loved ones death. It burns for 24 hours. I have grown to appreciate its simplicity.  Judaism seems to get many of these emotional markers right: sitting shiva, burying the dead quickly, and of course, Passover: who can deny the power of telling stories over a long dinner? All these traditions, while often rooted in practicality or scripture, seem to me more emotionally useful than most other religious observances I have encountered. 

In retrospect I feel like we waited a little too long to hold a service for our father.  At the time it seemed practical to wait for the end of summer so everyone would have a chance to be there for the event.  But there is an emotionally sound case to be made, however jarring the circumstances, for diving into the grieving process all at once.  Perhaps religions, like people, get more stuff right the older they are.

So, in the tradition of borrowing whatever works, I light a candle in memory of Caroline, her family in San Francisco is doing the same. Thanks Allison.

Here is Dennis' lovely obituary that appeared that week:

Caroline Anna Jones, age 40, died peacefully on Thursday, April 4th, in San Francisco after a courageous two year battle with brain cancer.  Caroline was  born November 22, 1972 in New York City, daughter of the late Antony Winslow Jones and Magda Rydlo Jones.  She attended the Brearley School in Manhattan, then earned degrees in Art History and Anthropology from Connecticut College in 1994.  Caroline moved to San Francisco where she married Devon Earl Brian Boyle in 2002. She worked in artistic development for the San Francisco School of Circus Arts until the birth of her daughters Charlotte in 2004 and Eloise in 2008.  She was a volunteer and board member of the Little People of America. Her sense of humor, forgiving manner, intelligence, and enthusiasm inspired everyone whose life she touched. Caroline is survived by her mother Magda, her brother Adrian, sister-in-law Allison, niece Antonia, husband Devon, and daughters Charlotte and Eloise.  Services will be held in New York on April 13th and in San Francisco on April 27th.  The family has requested that donations be made to the Little People of America in lieu of flowers.